As a nanny, you occupy a unique professional space. You become part of the daily rhythm of family life, witness intimate moments, and often develop genuine affection for the families you serve. This closeness makes nannying rewarding, but it also creates challenges that other professions rarely face.
At The Governess & Co, we regularly counsel nannies on navigating this delicate balance. Clear, respectful boundaries don’t create distance—they actually strengthen professional relationships and create the foundation for long-term success.
Why Boundaries Matter
Many nannies resist setting boundaries, worried they’ll appear unfriendly or uncommitted. In reality, families respect nannies who communicate professionally and maintain appropriate limits. Boundaries demonstrate your professionalism and protect both parties from misunderstandings.
Without clear boundaries:
- Job responsibilities expand beyond original agreements
- Personal time becomes invaded by work demands
- Professional relationships become uncomfortably personal
- Resentment builds when expectations aren’t met
Boundaries protect the relationship itself. They ensure you can continue providing excellent care without burnout.
Working Hour Boundaries
Define Your Schedule Clearly
From your first conversation, be specific about availability. “I work Monday through Friday, 7 AM to 6 PM” is clear. “I’m flexible with hours” invites confusion.
If you’re open to occasional overtime, specify conditions: “I’m available for evening babysitting with 48 hours’ notice at my overtime rate.”
Emergency vs. Convenience
Help families understand the difference. A child’s illness qualifies as an emergency. A last-minute dinner invitation does not.
Be gracious but firm: “I understand this is important, but I have commitments tonight. For future occasions, I’m happy to help with advance notice.”
Communication After Hours
Establish norms early:
- Urgent matters: Phone calls for genuine emergencies only
- Planning updates: Text messages during reasonable hours
- Detailed discussions: Save for work time
Household Responsibility Boundaries
Child-Related vs. General Tasks
Child-related tasks—their laundry, meal prep, tidying their spaces—are typically appropriate. General household management usually isn’t unless specifically agreed upon with appropriate compensation.
When asked to take on additional responsibilities: “I’m focused on providing excellent childcare. If you’d like to add household management, we could discuss adjusting my role and compensation.”
The Creeping Responsibility Problem
Job responsibilities often expand gradually. Address this promptly: “I’ve noticed additional tasks have been added. Could we review my current responsibilities to ensure I’m meeting expectations while staying focused on the children?”
Personal Space and Privacy
Physical Space
If you’re live-in, your private space should be genuinely private. If you’re live-out, you shouldn’t remain “on duty” during breaks.
Personal Life
You’re not obligated to share details about relationships, finances, or family problems. Maintain friendly professionalism: “Thanks for asking about my weekend. How was Emma’s recital?”
Social Media
Establish clear agreements about photographing children and social media policies. When in doubt, ask first.
Financial Boundaries
Salary Discussions
Approach compensation conversations professionally. Schedule annual reviews: “I’d like to discuss my performance over the past year and talk about compensation for the coming year.”
Expenses
Be clear about which expenses you’ll cover versus those that should be reimbursed. Generally, children’s activities and supplies are family expenses.
Managing Emotional Boundaries
Professional vs. Family
While family warmth is wonderful, remember you’re ultimately an employee. Enjoy the closeness while maintaining perspective and keeping your career development in your own hands.
Confidentiality
Maintain strict confidentiality while avoiding becoming a counselor in family conflicts. “I care about everyone, but I think this is something you should work out together.”
Parenting Disagreements
Unless child safety is at risk, follow family guidelines while offering professional input appropriately: “I’ve noticed Emma seems overwhelmed by her schedule. Children her age often benefit from unstructured play time. What are your thoughts?”
Communication Strategies
Lead with Commitment
Always emphasize your dedication: “I want to provide the best possible care, which means being clear about my role and availability.”
Choose Your Timing
Address issues promptly but during calm moments, not crisis times.
Offer Solutions
Instead of just saying no, provide alternatives when possible: “I’m not available Saturday, but I could recommend another sitter.”
Document Important Conversations
Follow up with brief written summaries of key agreements.
When Boundaries Are Challenged
Stay Consistent
Don’t take challenges personally. Respond calmly: “As we discussed, my weekend availability is limited to twice monthly with advance notice.”
Know When to Compromise
Occasional flexibility shows professionalism, but consistent violations require firm responses.
Recognize Deal-Breakers
If families consistently ignore your limits or disregard your professional expertise, it may be time to seek new placement.
Building Long-Term Success
The best nanny-family relationships feature mutual respect, clear expectations, and appropriate boundaries. These relationships often last years and provide excellent references and job satisfaction.
Annual Reviews
Include boundary discussions in performance reviews. As children grow, your boundaries may need adjustment.
Professional Development
Invest in training and certifications. This reinforces your professional identity and leads to better positions with respectful families.
Know Your Worth
Exceptional nannies who maintain professional boundaries while providing loving care are valuable and in demand.
The Bottom Line
At The Governess & Co, we support nannies in establishing professional boundaries from the beginning. We believe clear boundaries create the foundation for exceptional relationships.
Remember: Professional boundaries don’t make you less caring—they make your care more sustainable and valuable. Families who respect your boundaries are families who respect you as a professional, and those are the families where you’ll thrive.
The most successful nannies understand that maintaining boundaries while providing excellent childcare isn’t contradictory—it’s the key to career success and satisfaction in this profession.
If you’re seeking a position where your professional expertise is valued and your boundaries are respected, we’d love to discuss how The Governess & Co can support your career goals.