Finding the right family is crucial for your career satisfaction as a nanny. Timea, founder of The Governess & Co, shares her expert insights on identifying your ideal match.
Beyond Job Requirements
After years in the domestic staffing industry, I’ve observed that successful nanny-family relationships depend on compatibility that goes far beyond the basic job description. Successful placements happen when both parties are authentic. A family’s lifestyle, values, and communication style must align with a nanny’s working style and childcare philosophy.
Key Compatibility Factors
Childcare Philosophy
The most fundamental compatibility factor is alignment on childcare approaches. You don’t need identical perspectives, but complementary viewpoints that respect each other’s expertise.
Have detailed discussions about discipline methods, screen time, nutrition, and educational priorities. Notice not just what parents say, but how they say it. Do they value your professional input or expect you to simply follow instructions?
The best matches involve parents with clear values who still welcome a nanny’s professional expertise.
Communication Style
How a family communicates during interviews often reflects how they’ll communicate during employment.
Pay attention to how potential employers respond to your questions. Are they thoughtful? Do they listen actively? Is there mutual respect?
Day-to-day communication preferences also matter. Some families want detailed updates throughout the day, while others prefer brief check-ins. Neither approach is universally better—what matters is finding compatibility with your own style.
Lifestyle Fit
As a nanny, you’ll be immersed in your employing family’s lifestyle. Consider whether it aligns with your preferences. If you thrive on structure, a family with highly variable schedules might create stress. If you’re naturally flexible, a rigid household might feel restrictive.
Consider factors like:
- Weekend and holiday expectations
- Travel requirements
- Work schedules and how they impact childcare
- Housekeeping standards
The goal isn’t finding a family whose lifestyle mirrors yours completely, but one where you can comfortably adapt while maintaining professional boundaries.
Red Flags to Watch For
In my experience matching nannies with families, these warning signs often predict challenging working relationships:
Unclear Role Definition: When a family constantly changes the job description during interviews, this often continues into employment with expanding expectations.
Dismissive Attitudes: Be wary of potential employers who dismiss your professional qualifications. Ideal family employers respect your training and experience.
Vague Employment Terms: Any reluctance to clearly discuss salary, benefits, hours, and other contractual elements should raise concerns.
High Staff Turnover: Always tactfully ask about previous nannies. Frequent staff changes often reveal underlying issues.
Essential Questions to Ask
I recommend nannies always ask these revealing questions:
- “What did you appreciate about your previous nanny, and what would you change?” This reveals what they value and where tensions might have existed.
- “How do you handle disagreements with household staff?” Their answer shows their conflict resolution style.
- “What does success in this role look like after six months?” This clarifies expectations.
- “Where would you welcome input from me in your children’s care?” Their response reveals how they balance their authority with your expertise.
- “What family values would you like reinforced?” This helps you understand whether their family culture aligns with your values.
Trust Your Instincts
Nannies who report feeling immediately comfortable during interviews typically thrive in those positions.
“Your professional instincts are invaluable,” I tell candidates. “If something feels off during interviews—even if you can’t articulate why—pay attention to that feeling.”
This doesn’t mean every successful placement begins with instant chemistry, but active discomfort about a potential position should never be ignored.
Practical Considerations
Beyond emotional compatibility, ensure these practical matters are clearly established:
- Working hours and overtime policies
- Salary and benefits
- Holiday and vacation expectations
- Additional responsibilities beyond childcare
- Performance reviews and salary increases
- Living arrangements and privacy boundaries (if live-in)
- Transportation duties and vehicle use
Unclear expectations in these areas often create tension that undermines otherwise compatible relationships.
Building a Partnership
The most successful nanny-family relationships operate as partnerships characterized by mutual respect.
The nannies who find the greatest satisfaction are those who view themselves as partners in childrearing rather than simply employees. Similarly, the most satisfied families see their nannies as valuable extensions of their parenting team.
This partnership mindset creates enriching experiences for nannies, parents, and most importantly, the children in their shared care.
Final Thoughts
Finding your perfect family match requires patience and careful evaluation. Remember that as a qualified nanny, you bring tremendous value to a family’s life.
Nannies who approach their job search with confidence in their professional worth invariably find more satisfying positions than those who focus solely on meeting a family’s requirements. By seeking true compatibility, you’ll find not just employment, but a rewarding professional home.
At The Governess & Co, we specialize in creating lasting matches between exceptional nannies and families who truly value their contributions. Contact us to discuss representation.