After working as a nanny with The Governess & Co for over five years, Charlotte has learned that the difference between a job and a true career lies entirely in finding the right family fit.
“I’ve been fortunate to work with wonderful families, but I’ve also learned from experiences that weren’t quite right. Through trial, observation, and countless conversations with fellow nannies, I’ve developed a clear understanding of what makes some placements magical while others feel like daily struggles.”
Here are her thoughts!
My Journey to Understanding Family Compatibility
When I first started as a nanny, I thought any family who appreciated my childcare qualifications would be a good match. I focused entirely on proving my skills during interviews—demonstrating my knowledge of child development, sharing my first aid certifications, and discussing my experience with different age groups. While these qualifications matter enormously, I quickly learned they represent only part of the equation.
My early placements taught me that technical competence, while essential, doesn’t guarantee professional happiness or long-term success. The families where I thrived weren’t necessarily those with the most impressive homes or highest salaries—they were the ones where I felt genuinely valued as a professional and where my working style complemented the family’s rhythm and values.
The Foundation: Asking the Right Questions
One of my most important discoveries involved shifting from simply answering interview questions to asking meaningful questions of my own. Early in my career, I felt awkward questioning potential employers, worried it might seem presumptuous. However, I learned that families appreciate nannies who demonstrate genuine interest in understanding their specific needs and expectations.
Questions That Reveal Character
During interviews, I now always ask about the family’s parenting philosophy. This question reveals so much more than schedules or duties. How do they approach discipline? What role do they see technology playing in their children’s lives? How do they handle sibling conflicts? Their answers help me understand whether our approaches align naturally or whether I’d constantly feel like I was working against their values.
I also ask how they’ve handled disagreements with previous household staff. Every working relationship encounters challenges, and their response to this question reveals their conflict resolution style, their respect for staff perspectives, and their maturity in professional relationships. Families who blame all past problems on staff members often struggle with professional boundaries and reasonable expectations.
Perhaps most importantly, I ask what success in the role looks like after six months. This question helps clarify their priorities and reveals whether they have realistic expectations about the timeline for building relationships with children and establishing routines.
Understanding the Complete Picture
I’ve learned to ask about their extended family dynamics, their social expectations, and their long-term plans. Will I be expected to interact regularly with grandparents or other family members? Do they frequently entertain in ways that might affect my working environment? Are they planning moves, career changes, or family expansions that might impact the position?
These conversations help me understand not just the immediate role but the complete context I’d be entering.
The Power of Intuition
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned involves trusting my instincts during the interview process. I now pay careful attention to how I feel during initial meetings with potential families, and I’ve discovered that my gut reactions often predict long-term satisfaction better than logical analysis.
Reading the Environment
When I visit a family’s home, I observe more than just the children’s behavior. How do the parents interact with each other? How do they speak about their current or previous nannies? Do they seem genuinely interested in me as a person, or am I simply being evaluated as a service provider?
I pay attention to the children’s comfort level with strangers, their parents’ patience during our conversation, and the general energy in the household. Homes where I immediately feel welcome and comfortable often become my most successful placements.
Warning Signs I’ve Learned to Recognize
Through experience, I’ve identified several red flags that suggest potential challenges. Families who seem secretive about previous nanny arrangements, who change job descriptions during interviews, or who seem primarily focused on cost rather than quality often create difficult working environments.
I’m also cautious about families who seem to have unrealistic expectations about children’s behavior or development, who appear to have very different parenting philosophies between partners, or who seem overwhelmed by basic family management even before adding a nanny to the mix.
The Art of Clear Communication
Perhaps the most crucial skill I’ve developed involves clarifying expectations before accepting any position. This process requires delicate balance—being thorough without seeming demanding, and being professional while establishing necessary boundaries.
Essential Conversations
I always discuss overtime policies in detail. How much notice do they typically provide for evening or weekend needs? What constitutes an emergency that might require flexibility? How do they handle compensation for additional hours? Clear understanding prevents resentment on both sides when schedule changes inevitably occur.
I also clarify the scope of household responsibilities beyond childcare. Will I be expected to maintain children’s laundry only, or general household laundry? Are there specific cleaning standards I should understand? How do they prefer communication about children’s daily activities and behavior?
Professional Growth Discussions
I’ve learned to ask about opportunities for professional development within the role. Do they support continuing education? Are there opportunities to travel with the family? How do they handle salary reviews and increases? Families who invest in their nannies’ professional growth often create the most rewarding long-term relationships.
I also discuss their expectations about my interaction with other household staff, their policies about having friends or family visit during work hours, and their preferences for handling minor emergencies or unexpected situations.
Learning from Challenging Experiences
Not every placement I’ve accepted has been ideal, but each experience has taught me valuable lessons about the importance of family compatibility. I’ve worked with families whose values differed dramatically from mine, where constant tension made even simple daily activities stressful.
When Values Clash
I once worked with a family whose approach to discipline involved strategies I found uncomfortable. While they weren’t abusive or inappropriate, their methods conflicted with my training and personal philosophy about child development. This experience taught me the importance of discussing disciplinary approaches in detail before accepting positions.
Another challenging placement involved a family with very different communication styles than mine. They preferred minimal daily interaction and updates, while I naturally tend toward more detailed communication about children’s activities and development. Neither approach was wrong, but the mismatch created ongoing friction that affected my job satisfaction and their confidence in my work.
Growth Through Reflection
These experiences taught me that cultural fit matters enormously in nanny positions. Unlike many jobs where you can maintain professional distance, nannying requires integration into family life in ways that make personality and value compatibility crucial for success.
I learned to be more honest about my own working style and preferences during interviews, rather than trying to adapt to any family’s needs. This honesty helps both parties make better decisions about compatibility.
The Rewards of Right Matches
When family matching works well, the rewards extend far beyond professional satisfaction. I’ve formed genuine friendships with families whose children I’ve helped raise, maintained relationships that continue long after employment ends, and found tremendous fulfillment in supporting family growth during crucial periods.
Building Professional Legacy
My most successful placements have involved families who genuinely appreciated my expertise and trusted my judgment about child-related decisions. These relationships allowed me to develop my skills, build confidence in my professional abilities, and create lasting positive impacts on children’s development.
Working with compatible families has also enhanced my resume and professional reputation. When families genuinely value your work, they provide enthusiastic references, recommend you to their networks, and support your career advancement in meaningful ways.
Advice for Fellow Nannies
Based on my experiences, I encourage other nannies to approach family matching as a mutual selection process rather than simply hoping to be chosen. Remember that you bring valuable skills and expertise that deserve recognition and respect.
Don’t settle for families who seem uncertain about your value or who treat the interview process as purely one-sided evaluation. The best families understand that exceptional childcare requires partnership between parents and nannies, built on mutual respect and clear communication.
Trust your instincts about family dynamics, even when you can’t articulate specific concerns. Your comfort level during interviews often predicts your long-term satisfaction with the position.
Working with Professional Agencies
My association with The Governess & Co has taught me the value of working with agencies that understand the importance of compatibility matching. Good agencies don’t just focus on placing nannies quickly—they invest time in understanding both family needs and nanny preferences to create lasting, successful relationships.
Professional agencies also provide support when challenges arise, helping navigate difficult conversations and providing resources for professional development. This support system has been invaluable throughout my career.
Final Thoughts
Finding the perfect family fit requires patience, honesty, and the courage to prioritize long-term satisfaction over immediate employment. While it might mean turning down some opportunities, waiting for the right match ultimately creates more rewarding and sustainable career experiences.
Remember that your happiness and professional fulfillment matter enormously—not just for your own wellbeing, but for the quality of care you provide to children. When you feel valued, respected, and comfortable in your working environment, you naturally provide better childcare, creating positive outcomes for everyone involved.
The perfect family match exists for every qualified nanny willing to invest time in finding it. Trust the process, trust your instincts, and remember that exceptional nannies deserve exceptional families who recognize and appreciate their contributions to family life.