Charlotte has been one of our most experienced nannies at The Governess & Co for several years, working with families across Marbella and bringing a wealth of practical childcare wisdom to every placement. Known for her calm, thoughtful approach to child development and her ability to build genuine connections with both children and families, Charlotte regularly shares insights that have proven invaluable to both our nanny team and the families we serve. Today, she discusses one of her most effective techniques for managing challenging behaviors while strengthening relationships.
After working as a nanny with The Governess & Co for several years, I’ve discovered that one of the most transformative skills in childcare involves mastering what I call “positive redirection.” This approach has revolutionized how I handle challenging behaviors and has dramatically improved my relationships with the children in my care. Rather than constantly saying “no” or focusing on what children cannot do, positive redirection guides them toward appropriate alternatives while maintaining their dignity and fostering cooperation.
Understanding the Power of Language
Early in my nannying career, I found myself frequently using prohibitive language—”Don’t do that,” “Stop running,” “No touching.” While these responses felt natural in moments of concern or frustration, I began noticing that they created cycles of resistance and conflict. Children would test boundaries more frequently, and I felt like I was constantly correcting rather than connecting.
The shift to positive redirection changed everything. Instead of focusing on stopping unwanted behaviors, I learned to acknowledge children’s underlying needs and redirect their energy toward acceptable outlets. This approach requires more thought and creativity than simple prohibition, but the results speak for themselves in terms of cooperation, relationship quality, and overall household harmony.
The Psychology Behind Redirection
Children’s brains are naturally wired to seek engagement, exploration, and activity. When we constantly tell them what they cannot do without providing alternatives, we create frustration and resistance. Their developmental needs for movement, curiosity, and autonomy don’t disappear simply because we’ve said “no”—they need appropriate channels for expression.
Positive redirection works because it honors children’s legitimate needs while guiding them toward safe, appropriate behaviors. Instead of feeling criticized or restricted, children feel understood and supported in finding better ways to meet their needs.
Practical Applications in Daily Situations
Managing Indoor Energy
One of the most common challenges I face involves children who need physical outlets but are in inappropriate settings for high-energy activities. Instead of repeatedly saying “Stop running in the house,” I’ve learned to acknowledge their energy and provide alternatives.
“I can see you have lots of energy! Let’s use those strong legs for jumping in place” or “Your body wants to move—let’s have a dance party in the playroom” transforms potential conflicts into cooperative activities. Children feel heard and valued rather than criticized, and I can address safety concerns while meeting their genuine needs.
This approach requires keeping a mental toolkit of appropriate physical activities that can be deployed quickly when needed. I’ve found that having movement alternatives readily available prevents situations from escalating and helps children learn to recognize and appropriately channel their own energy.
Curiosity and Exploration
Young children explore their world through touch, which often leads to situations where they’re reaching for inappropriate or unsafe items. Rather than creating negative associations with their natural curiosity, positive redirection channels this interest toward safe alternatives.
“That’s not safe to touch, but here’s something interesting you can explore” maintains their sense of wonder while establishing boundaries. I keep fascinating, child-safe objects available specifically for these redirection moments—textured toys, interesting containers, or engaging activities that satisfy their exploration needs.
The key lies in having genuinely interesting alternatives rather than obvious substitutions. Children can sense when we’re simply trying to distract them versus when we’re offering something truly engaging.
Food and Timing Challenges
Requests for food at inappropriate times create frequent opportunities for positive redirection. Children’s hunger doesn’t always align with meal schedules, but simply saying “You can’t have a snack now” often leads to arguments and frustration.
“Dinner is in 30 minutes, but you can help me prepare it” transforms the situation into an opportunity for connection and learning. Children get immediate engagement with food-related activities while understanding the timing of actual eating. This approach often reveals that children are seeking connection and activity as much as actual food.
Advanced Redirection Techniques
As I’ve become more experienced with positive redirection, I’ve developed more sophisticated approaches that address underlying emotional needs alongside behavioral guidance.
Emotional Validation with Behavioral Limits
Children often act out when they’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or disconnected. Effective redirection acknowledges these emotions while providing appropriate outlets for expression.
“You seem really frustrated that your tower fell down. It’s disappointing when things don’t work the way we want. Let’s take some deep breaths and then decide if you want to try again or do something different.”
This approach validates children’s emotional experiences while teaching them healthy ways to process difficult feelings. It prevents behavioral escalation while building emotional intelligence and self-regulation skills.
Collaborative Problem-Solving
Rather than simply providing alternatives, advanced redirection involves children in finding solutions to challenging situations. This approach builds their problem-solving skills while ensuring they feel heard and valued.
“You want to paint, but we don’t have time to set up the easel before lunch. What other art activities could we do that would be quicker to clean up?” This engages children as partners in finding solutions rather than passive recipients of adult decisions.
Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them
Learning effective redirection requires awareness of approaches that seem positive but actually undermine the technique’s effectiveness.
Offering Too Many Choices
While providing alternatives is essential, overwhelming children with too many options can create decision paralysis and increase frustration. I’ve learned to offer two or three specific alternatives rather than open-ended questions that might overwhelm developing decision-making capabilities.
Insincere Enthusiasm
Children can detect when adults are being artificially enthusiastic about alternatives. Effective redirection requires genuine engagement with the proposed activities. If I’m not genuinely interested in the alternative I’m suggesting, children pick up on this disconnect and resist the redirection.
Inconsistent Application
Positive redirection works best when applied consistently rather than only during challenging moments. When children experience this respectful, collaborative approach regularly, they become more receptive to guidance during difficult situations.
Building Relationships Through Redirection
The most significant benefit of positive redirection extends beyond behavior management to relationship building. When children consistently experience respectful guidance that honors their needs while maintaining appropriate boundaries, they develop trust and cooperation that makes all aspects of childcare more enjoyable.
Children who feel understood and supported are more likely to accept guidance, share their feelings, and engage cooperatively in daily activities. This creates positive cycles where good behavior becomes natural rather than forced, and challenging moments become opportunities for connection rather than conflict.
Supporting Family Goals
Professional nannies who master positive redirection become valuable partners in supporting family goals and values. Parents often struggle with finding effective discipline approaches that feel respectful while maintaining necessary boundaries. When nannies model positive redirection consistently, they provide practical examples that parents can adopt in their own interactions with their children.
This consistency between caregivers helps children feel secure in their understanding of expectations while experiencing respectful treatment from all adults in their lives.
Long-Term Impact
Children who grow up experiencing positive redirection develop several important life skills that serve them well beyond childhood. They learn to look for solutions rather than dwelling on restrictions, understand that their needs and feelings are valid even when their behaviors need modification, and develop collaborative approaches to problem-solving that benefit their future relationships.
These children often become more creative, resilient, and emotionally intelligent because they’ve experienced respectful guidance that honors their developmental needs while teaching appropriate behavior.
Conclusion
Mastering positive redirection requires practice, creativity, and genuine commitment to seeing situations from children’s perspectives. However, the investment in developing this skill pays enormous dividends in relationship quality, behavioral cooperation, and overall job satisfaction.
At The Governess & Co, we emphasize positive redirection as a core skill because it embodies our philosophy of respectful, relationship-based childcare. When nannies approach challenging behaviors with curiosity and creativity rather than frustration and prohibition, they create environments where children can thrive while learning appropriate boundaries.
The goal isn’t perfect behavior from children—it’s creating respectful relationships that support their development while maintaining necessary safety and social boundaries. Positive redirection achieves this balance by honoring children’s legitimate needs while guiding them toward appropriate expression of those needs.
For fellow nannies developing these skills, remember that positive redirection becomes more natural with practice. Start with common situations and develop your toolkit of alternatives gradually. The effort invested in learning this approach transforms not just your effectiveness as a caregiver, but your entire experience of working with children.